Love is as Strong a Word as Hate
by totalREfan
Summary: Just about my first fanfiction. I don't know even why I have it up here. It's poorly written but read it if you want to.


1  
  
It was Heaven. She was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen in my life. Her red hair reaching just below her ears. Her white dress covered her feet. How graceful she was as I was slow dancing with her to soft music. She seemed perfect. Me, I was in a fancy tux. My collar was hidden from my brown, impossibly thick, spiked hair. I didn't want the song to end. All of a sudden, right before my eyes, the floor crumbled beneath her. This all seemed to happen in very slow motion. I tried to reach out to her. She was falling down and I caught her. I was holding on for dear life. Actually, for her dear life. If I let go, she would fall into an infinite dark abyss.  
"Don't Let go, Sora!" She screamed up to me.  
"Kairi, don't go away from me forever!" I yelled frantically.  
I could feel her slipping away. Little by little I was losing my grip on her. I couldn't stop what was happening. I had no control over what would happen to her.  
I finally lost my entire grip. "Nooo!" I yelled, not wanting this to happen.  
She was falling down with her back facing down and using her hand to try and grab on to something that didn't exist. All she could grab onto was thin air.  
I sat up quickly with my heart pounding furiously on the inside of my chest. Sweat was pouring down by the buckets. I had the dream again. THE dream. The dream I've been having for a while now. Almost every night I have it. I needed to go down and have some water before I went back to sleep, considering that my mouth was extremely dry.  
Carefully, I pulled the covers off of myself, and I stood up. At first, In fell because my legs were tired. I checked the clock in my room. It was 2:47.  
In the kitchen, I got a glass and got water from the tap. I drank slowly because I was thinking about the dream. Could it mean something? That was what I was wondering.  
I could hear faint footsteps in the distance. They were steadily getting louder. My mom came in and saw me there.  
She asked, "What's the matter? Couldn't sleep? Me neither. Want to stay up a few more minutes? I'll let you have some decaf coffee,"  
"No thanks...I'd better get to sleep." I finished my water and put the glass in the sink and I walked up back to bed as silently as I could.  
I've been thinking a lot about the dream. It's got to mean something. It's been tearing me apart.  
I was in my bed, but I wasn't trying to get to sleep. I just lay there, not doing anything, thinking about my dream. Then I opened the top drawer of my dresser. On the ceiling of my drawer I felt for a piece of paper that was folded over. I reached my fingers in it and pulled out a picture.  
It was a picture of Kairi, sitting on a log, laughing, that I took a while ago. It's been worn out because I look at it a lot. She's so perfect. If you hadn't guessed, I have a huge crush on her. And I'm going to let her know.... Eventually. I'm going to do it when I'll do it.  
What's stopping me from telling her? The fact that she might reject me? Or I will get together and probably lose her? What's stopping me? This was all too much for me. So I just fell back again into my bed and I slowly fell back asleep.  
  
2  
  
The bright sun shining through my window and into my eyes awakened me. I didn't really get up right away. I wasn't tired, I just didn't seem to have much energy.  
Once I smelled the blueberry pancakes cooking downstairs, I finally moved. It was my favorite breakfast. Blueberry pancakes with lots of butter. The smell almost lifted me into the air and carried me down. I couldn't wait for gulping down huge bites at a time. Before I knew it I was at the table with drool on my chin and fork in hand.  
Mom said, "You sure seem hungry. I made them extra big," and she put a plate in front of me. It was almost like I was raised by wolves and I just stuck the entire pancake I my mouth all at the same time. I didn't actually do that but I ate it just as fast.  
After I was finished with my first she turned around. It looked as if a confused expression was on her face, but also she looked like she shouldn't have been so confused. "That was fast. Do you want another one?" I shook my head up and down furiously. Another one was put in front of me and I ate in even faster. She looked at me again and said, "Man, you can eat fast. Are going to want a third?"  
"No thanks," I replied. "I'm probably just going to hang around outside for the day."  
"Okay then. Be back for lunch,"  
"I will,"  
I walked outside and looked around me. I live on a quaint island down off the coast Georgia. It was usually very hot. Today it wasn't very hot.  
I looked out onto the water. A slight breeze blew and tiny ripples were made in the water. As I look out onto the all my fears and conflicts flee away from me. I feel so vulnerable, like if the world was to end right then I wouldn't care. It reminds me of Kairi. Everything does. It seems stupid, but I see her in the mirror, standing next to me. I see her with my arm around her as I watch television. I sometimes see her in an empty dinner plate looking right back at me. I'm obsessed. Well, admitting is the first step.  
I went to the place we usually hang out. It's away from actual civilization. There are no streets or houses there. There are some wooden contraptions like bridges and shacks. It's just a place to hang out.  
The one place I like to go especially is hidden away under leaves of a tree. It's a cave. It's been there for a while. I usually just take rocks and scratch it against the rocks. It leaves behind a white line so you can draw. Drawings are all over the walls. Faces, animals, and everything.  
As I walked in I noticed Kairi was there. So was my other best friend, Riku. He has silver hair that barely covers his shoulders. He always has a very serious expression on his face. Despite his serious leadership-like voice and expression, he can be very fun.  
Riku and Kairi were both working on a drawing together. They noticed I came in but they didn't say anything. I tried to look over their shoulder, but they tried covering the drawing up.  
"What-cha drawing?" I asked curiously.  
"You'll see," said Riku with his serious-sounding voice.  
"What is it?"  
"It's a surprise,"  
After about a minute they had finished what they had drawn.  
"We're done," assured Kairi with her comforting voice.  
They both stood up, allowing me to see what they had drawn. As I looked at it closely I could make out my head being on a dragon's body.  
"Hey!" I yelled not so loud.  
"It was just a joke," Kairi explained.  
"Yeah, lighten up, Sora, " Added Riku, "Want us to scribble it off?"  
The drawing was a little insulting, but I knew it was a fun joke. I thought it actually was a little funny. "Nah, I guess not,"  
"I'm kind of bored right now," Riku stated.  
"How about we work on the canoe?" Kairi suggested.  
"Sure, I could go for that,"  
For a long time, we have been working on a boat. A canoe. It's so we can go onto the water. We don't have enough money and saving up would take too long, so we're building one. It's almost done. We just have to add a few more things. We were working slowly that particular time. We didn't get much done. We worked until late afternoon, at sunset. We sat on a log over-looking the water. The sun was reflected in the water. It was almost as comforting as Kairi's voice. Kairi was sitting right next to me. Kairi trying change her sitting position to get more comfortable. I noticed sometimes when she did that, she was getting a tiny bit closer to Riku. I didn't pay much mind to it. It was the farthest thing from my mind. Probably.  
  
3  
  
I had visited heaven again.  
She was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen in my life. Her red hair reaching just below her ears. Her white dress covered her feet. How graceful she was as I was slow dancing with her to soft music. She seemed perfect. Me, I was in a fancy tux. My collar was hidden from my brown, impossibly thick, spiked hair. I didn't want the song to end.  
All of a sudden, right before my eyes, the floor crumbled beneath her. This all seemed to happen in very slow motion. I tried to reach out to her. She was falling down and I caught her. I was holding on for dear life. Actually, for her dear life. If I let go, she would fall into infinite dark abyss.  
"Don't Let go, Sora!" She screamed up to me.  
"Kairi, don't go away from me forever!" I yelled frantically.  
I could feel her slipping away. Little by little I was losing my grip on her. I couldn't stop what was happening. I had no control over what would happen to her.  
I finally lost my entire grip. "Nooo!" I yelled, not wanting this to happen.  
She was falling down with her back facing down and using her hand to try and grab on to something that didn't exist. All she could grab onto was thin air.  
Other than I had the same dream I always had, the next day wasn't very exciting. Almost. I was bored most of the time. What is important about this day is what was happening that night. Today was the fourteenth of February. It was the fateful Valentine's Day. Kairi, Riku, and I decided not to blow our money on Valentine's Day gifts. So, we never did.  
The other reason this day is special because of the Valentines' Day dance. Tonight, in town, is the annual dance. That night I was getting ready. It was 6:30. I had half an hour to get ready. I was checking my impossibly thick spikes to make sure they were extra impossibly thick. I needed to make sure I there wasn't a speck of dust on my freshly ironed shirt. Everything had to be perfect in order to impress Kairi. Perfect... The time was near; 6:45. I headed out the door. The moment of truth was coming. I was going to tell Kairi exactly what I think of her. My heart is beating furiously. Sweat was pouring down my face. I wiped the sweat away from my forehead and I started to head off towards the dance. Riku and Kairi were already there. I was late. Only by about ten minutes. When fast songs started playing and I was dancing, I wasn't really wasn't dancing. I was doing spontaneous, just weird things. Kairi seemed amused by this funny performance. Not until about 15 minutes after I got there, a slow song started to play. All right. This is your chance. I had it all planned out. All I had to do was ask. Take deep breaths. Okay, now strike! The second I turned around I had heard Riku say, "Would you like to dance?"  
  
"Sure!" Kairi replied delightfully. Oh, no. You missed your chance! You hesitated and you blew it! Wait a minute. What am I whining for? There will be plenty more slow songs like this one. After all, this is a Valentines' Day dance.  
I turned around, and I was looking at a sight that made me feel like my heart was put in a blender and somebody hit frappe. I had seen Kairi kissing Riku. I couldn't look at it for more than a second, so I turned around. In fact, I couldn't stand to be near it. So, I ran out of the stupid place where I could pace and think on the sidewalk. It was extremely dark out at the time. "Sora!" Riku had ran after me. "What was that about?" I remained silent. "If it's about that kiss, I have somethi-" "Yes! It was!" I screamed at him. "I wanted to dance with her. I'm the one who liked her this whole time. I liked everything about her. I always want to be with her and only her. You took her from under me! And now she likes you, but I'm the one her loves her!" Had I said I loved her? Did I mean it? What does love mean? DO I actually love her? Was I capable of knowing of what love is at fourteen years old? I had a lot of trouble, thinking about this over and over. There was a long, awkward silence before either of us spoke. Riku finally broke it. "Sora, I...I didn't know. Besides, there is something you have to know about that kiss," "Sora!" Kairi had caught up too. "Why did you leave?" "He saw us. Sora, you need to know something about that..." "Look out!" Apparently, a guy was riding his bike and his brakes weren't working. Riku and I had backed up out of the way. However, Kairi had backed up into the street. Headlights blinded my eyes. All I heard was screeching...and a big thump.  
  
4  
I didn't remember much from the night before, but I remembered enough. Sirens loud enough to shatter my eardrums. Ambulances. Crying all around me. That's all I could remember from that moment on, until now. As I am waiting for Kairi to come out of the ER. I can picture her quite clearly from when the accident happened. From when the truck hit her. Bruises and cut were all over her arms and legs. I just hope she will be all right and she has no permanent damage done to her.  
I've mostly been thinking about when I said I love her. If I meant it or not. I tried to answer this question by thinking about what she meant to me.  
I looked at Riku, who was sitting right next to me. He seemed depressed also, but most likely not how I felt. I saw him look right back at me.  
"Sora, I just remembered. About why this happened. The kiss. You need to know. It only happened for a second. She liked me. I didn't like her like she does me and you do her. I pushed her off of me and explained I didn't like her that way. I told her not to be embarrassed. Then we tried to forget the whole thing. We are not going to become a couple anytime soon. I just thought you should know,"  
I hated Riku for no reason. Now I really know that Kairi likes Riku and not vice-versa.  
The doctor came out with a rather bland look on his face. I could only hope that the information he has is not worst-case scenario.  
Luck was not on my side that day.  
"She has been slipping in and out of comas. She has been out of them for about 15 minutes at a time and in for about an hour. She just woke up. She also probably doesn't have much time left. I suggest you go talk to her now if you plan to,"  
My depression hit an all-time low. Kairi was most likely going to die. All that I could do was beg to God, and also go in there and tell her what I always wanted to tell her.  
I walked down the long hall as if I was the one on death row. Riku was right next to me with his hand on my shoulder, trying to comfort me. It sure didn't do much.  
Next thing I knew I was sitting next to her bed, and Riku was opposite me. The long-interval beeps on the monitor were, for some strange reason, soothing. Probably because they reminded me that Kairi was not gone, but still here with us.  
Kairi's eyes opened and she turned her head toward me. I could tell she was going to say something so I held my head close to hers. "Sora, I have to tell you something," She said with a soft voice. So vulnerable.  
"So do I, but you first"  
"You think I like Riku, but I realized it was for all the wrong reasons. I look back. I remember you. I realized you meant especially so much to me. I wouldn't trade you for all the riches in the world. I realized you have cared for me in a way that all of our other friends haven't. You're more to me than just a best friend. Sora ...... I love you..."  
Those words were something that I had waited for for a long time. In a shortened version of what I wanted to say to her, I said, "Kairi, I always meant to say...I love you...too,"  
"I'm going to die. I'm going into my heaven. You and Riku will go into your heavens too, sooner or later. When I'm gone, don't feel sad about me. I'm not gone forever. When you die, I will see you both again. Until then, enjoy your life while you have it,"  
The last moment she had on God's green earth, was with me, sharing with me the most wonderful thing I have experienced so far in this fourteen- year life of mine. A kiss with my own true love.  
I could feel her slipping away, me letting loose my grip. She was falling into a dark abyss, and she died. She died with our lips still intact. I didn't want to leave her. I couldn't cope with it. And I remembered her words.  
"When you die, I will see you both again. Until then, enjoy your life while you have it,"  
I would not forget those words. I would make sure they lived inside me forever.  
Riku placed his hand on my shoulder. I could feel his tears dropping from his cheeks and falling onto my neck. For me, more water was falling from my eyes than Niagra Falls.  
"C'mon, Sora. I'm missing her too. Let's take her advice. We can moan and groan later," I looked up at him, and nodded in agreement. I said to myself that I was going to make Kairi's words live forever, unlike Kairi. 


End file.
